SPID

Even clipart freaks me out

Don't get me wrong, I am totally frog-phobic and get so stressed out by people posting pictures about the horrid, slimy, wet, bulgy-eyed beings, but spiders are probably the second-worse crawly thing.  I would like to thank everyone on my friends list for posting pictures knowing full well I can't deal with them, its your wall blah-deee-blah holier than thou f-ing excuses - fair play I just unfollow! Everyones a winner.  

I've seen these bastards and they ain't pretty - spider fear JUSTIFIED!!

Spiders are everywhere.  All with child and trying to get into my house.  Fuck off.

Frogs - INTOLERABLE 
Spiders - MAHHHHH-HING-ING

Week 5

A week late, but the next one comes soon.  "Dog Poo".

It appears there are a few scruffy people living on Southwold, to the point that Cherwell Council have seen fit to intervene.  Highly embarrassing for all, but something needs to be done.

This week the Council are sending a team of shit shovellers to clear up all the rubbish left by residents and people passing through including all the dog shit that owners can't be arsed clearing up.

Let's start with my first rant.  "Responsible Dog Owners".  the ones you never see with a poo bag in hand who think it is okay to turn a blind eye when there dog takes a dump under a tree.  That tree will be cut back (to the heathens who don't get it - these things called hedge trimmers have been in use for decades), exposing you for what you are - a lazy twat with no sense of hygiene.  If your dog shits - CLEAR IT UP.  It isn't the 1980's where white, dried out crap was common place. Children can get under trees too.  Disgusting and very IRRESPONSIBLE.  Wilko's do poo bags and the Council provides bins.

Lift the lid and place your shit bag in the bin PROVIDED

On the flip side you parents whinging about dog shit. Stop dropping ice creams, chocolate, wrappers and other such fattening treats.  CHOCOLATE KILLS DOGS as do swallowed wrappers. 

So.  Thank you Cherwell for cleaning all the crap up.  Southwold is one of the nicest/safest estates around Bicester and should be treated as such with pride - don't want to pick up your dogs shit? Fuck off to some other estate where they don't care.  There will be lots of giveaways during this week on the park area!!!

Week 4: Mozza

I'm taking the opportunity to learn how to do a blog on a sly-pad and so apologise in advance for any freaky errors!

Week 4 is all about Morrissey-isms (solo and with the Smiths). Humorous and poignant lyrical genius throughout his years as a carnivore hating recluse who just loves being outspoken and overly opinionated.  Here is a collection of my most favourite:

"You go and you stand on your own and you leave on your own and you go home and you want to die"

How soon Is Now

"I've had my face dragged through fifteen miles of shit and I do not like it"

How can anybody possibly know how I feel?

"Sweetness I was only joking when I said you should be bludgeoned in your bed"

Big mouth strikes again

"He stole from the rich and the poor and the not very rich and the very poor"

First of the gang to die

"You're not right in the head and nor am and this is why I like you"

I like you

"Say the wrong thing to our children we'll have you yes we'll have you"

The teachers are afraid of the pupils

"I'm so sickened I'm so sickened now"

Suede head

"The seaside town that they forgot to bomb come come nuclear bomb"

Everyday is like Sunday

"Girlfriend in a coma I know, I know it's really serious when I could have murdered her"

Girlfriend in a coma

"And so I drank one it became four and when I fell on the floor I drank more"

Stop me

"No more apologies I'm too tired I'm too sick and tired and I'm feeling very ill today"

What difference does it make

So there you have it, Mozza off the top of my head.  He really is a depressing b*stard!  Have you got any stand out lyrics?

Week 3

.... Yes, Zero 7 are a rather marvellous band all things considered, but this is not what this picture is about.  It is seven facts about this week ....

1. ZERO Contact on facebook (self inflicted)
2. ZERO Give a shit's 
3. ZERO Rising to the bait
4. ZERO Freaky dreams just interrupted sleep 
5. ZERO Paying lip service
6. ZERO In your face moments

and due to avoiding the above:

7.  ZERO BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE!! HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

Fridge Message Week 2

"NHS SOS"

The NHS experience Accident and Emergency darn Sarrrfff styleee! I have to give credit where its due.  Manchester City were on an early kick off so Dad and I headed to the Tart for the match and Alex was on driving duties so we didn't give the cat guy an excuse to post an anonymous note about Dexter because there is no way we are giving him any more w*nk fodder.  

Alex picked me up, with the plan being that Dad would stay on in the pub so I could prepare a lovely meal for later.  Later never came.  A call from Mum en route to A and E meant leaping into action!!

It is fair to say I have no idea as to where I am geographically.  I just don't get it.  I had heard of Stoke Manderville hospital on the news for obvious "jingle jangle jewellery jewellery" reasons.  I didn't place it in my vicinity so whilst sitting on the floor in a Sauna all the obvious stupid childish comments kept a flowing. 

We were there for over 6 hours with no access to water.  Without making it all about me, it was so bad I could feel the lithium taking over and I literally wanted to throw up/faint.  SORT THE F*CKING WATER SITUATION OUT!!  oh and while your at it SORT OUT THE F*CKING PAIN RELIEF OUT FOR MUM who had gone through several shades of pale due to the nasty break she had been nursing over those HOURS of hell.  The department needed to be three times its size and more empathy was needed.  I was mad angry at an 18 month old with a clear temperature, cough and RASH being totally ignored by staff.  

In short, the place was unacceptable.  It was dirty (I was sat on the floor so I saw), bins were overflowing, the ladies toilets - all two of them - were doing the opposite of flushing, there was no air flow, no water and some seriously unwell people who needed attention so as to a) get help and b) not contaminate everyone else.  

In Manchester hospitals the seating is more spread out, they airate the place and have a clear sign suggesting realistic waiting times.  Yes the times are far longer, but they ensure people are hydrated and comfortable.

As I was so horrified by this apparent cattle market, we will be visiting the Horton for a second opinion with a view to getting aftercare there.  No Emergency Room is perfect due to cuts - oh that'd be the Consersative Twats, but I want the best for my Mum because she is my Mum and she is also a Musician.   She is doing great now for those interested and we shall be transferring to Banbury tomorrow.  Just as an aside, after already being totally disillusioned and feeling quite Li toxic, we go back to x-ray and I am sat next to this little bundle of joy ........... WTF!!!!! 

Dirty great Asbestos Cupboard In My Face

Fridge Message Week 1

Full credit to Lyndypops for the idea of photographing something each week.  I shall be utilising my fridge.  mainly because anyone who walks past our kitchen can see it in plain view!

So.  I think I know who accused us of being bad parents to Woof-Bags.  It was cowardly and way out of order.  So our first week kicks off on a nasty note (most will be way more silly!).  Anyone in my position would feel the same.  If you have an issue, have a chat, don't post lies through a letter box and sit in your scummy house in need of a makeover with your cats as a fifty year virgin patting yourself on the back.  You are pathetic and need to get out more ... we were going to take pity on you and invite you round for a BBQ even after you stole a neighbours cat and took it to the Blue Cross based on a hunch. Freak!

You look at some people, sometimes and wonder why they are so lonely - in this case it really is because you are unpleasant, nasty and clearly bored.   If I had one inch of actual proof, said fat arse would learn very quickly just why I was a Pastoral Head in a secondary school or the proud owner of a fondue set.  

And so, here commenceth week one: Visible to neighbours should they be nosey enough to look through the window ... in manchester we say quite simply "Avv it bitch".  I have censored the really bad word just in case ....

Limited blocks = paper intervention but the message is clear.  Don't threaten my family bubble EVER!

WTF ...

... is Radioactive Seaweed?  As I am learning all things Web related, I have to have a website, no? Who is Radioactive Seaweed? Here is the explaining part.  

"Radioactive Seaweed" and his sidekick "Cream Bun" helped me get through all my lessons at high school.  (Except for Music - I liked Music).  They were always on hand to block out the boring nature of learning as well as being great at keeping me awake in class with their ridiculous observations. 

 We parted ways after Mr Seaweed got me in a whole heap of trouble during my first attempt at GCSE Maths.  I blame the vicious Mrs B for not realising I had only done one out of the five text books over a three year period and Cream Bun reckoned that the examiner needed to get the bug out of his arse.  This is a crude recreation of what Seaweed and Creamy did in the hope of cheering up the examiner, they are obviously so much better at what they do:

I don't see the problem??!!

I still don't see why I got the blame and threatened to be banned from all my exams with the same exam board.  It wasn't me it was those pesky freaks and jeezus lighten up, I bet the guy smiled, mind you he was a maths teacher and in my experience they don't have much of a sense of humour.  

What is my website about? God knows, but it is great to be approached by my teenage companions with a view to working together once again - I missed you guys! They will of course be getting a whole new look as they learn about the new digital age.  They have been on holiday in Guardalajara for over 20 years - not the best place for a piece of seaweed, but he is re-hydrating as we speak.  

All my blogs will be transferred over to the website and Radioactive Seaweed along with Cream Bun have promised not to interfere with them although Seaweed wants me to remove my recipe for seabass and samphire, he said it was wrong on so many levels for his kind.  I personally think it is a tasty meal!

Loads of people indulge themselves with their own "me" show, so I might as well too.  There will be some serious elements to the site, I want it to be informative and supportive of people like me with mental health illnesses (thats the bit where everyone scarpers cos they are either sick of hearing about it or choose to be ignorant!!)

I best go and fix Cream Buns hair, he wants more sprinkles and a cherry on top!